Keep Your Promises

You Have My Word ...

On the way back from a long road trip, my youngest son asked if we could stop at a certain park he enjoys. It is far from home and we rarely have the opportunity to visit it. "Yes! That's a great idea!", I said enthusiastically, trying to remember exactly where it was located.

As Jacob chatted excitedly in the back seat about the park, we drove further and further north. It occurred to me that I must have missed the freeway exit and we were now well beyond that playground.

"Jake", I said apologetically, "I think we missed the park. I wasn't quite sure where it was, but I kept watching for the right road to take, and don't remember seeing it. I'm sorry. We'll have to go another time."

I wasn't sure how Jacob would react ... would he cry? Would he get mad? Would he say, "It's okay, mom, I understand."? His response really surprised me. It was none of these things.

He crossed his arms, tilted his head thoughtfully, and looked twice his age.

"Mom. You let me down. You said we could go to the park and we aren't. You didn't do what you said you would. I don't like that very much." With that, he fell into silence and stared out the window.

I searched my brain for the right reply. How would a good parent handle this? Of 'course, I wanted to defend myself and explain that I tried to take him to the park; that I intended to and didn't miss it on purpose; so, he shouldn't be upset and shouldn't think that I let him down. I wanted to explain that it might take another half-hour just to find it, if we turned around.

Every moment is a teachable one in a child's life, I thought. He should learn to deal with disappointment, I reasoned. But I should try to understand his perspective, too. I wasn't thinking that this moment would teach me something. I was still sorting it out when Jacob spoke up again.

"Mom, this really bothers me. Remember when I told you I would put my sweatshirt in my backpack before school, and I didn't? Or when I said I'd put the milk away and I didn't? And other stuff like that. You got mad and told me that if I said I was going to do something ... I should do it. I should keep my promises. Unless there was a really good reason why I couldn't. Well, I've noticed that sometimes you don't keep your promises either ... and not for very good reasons."

Ouch!

I remembered that a few nights ago, I had said I would read to him before bed, and I didn't. The phone rang and I felt obligated to talk to the caller rather than read to my son. I told him last weekend that I would put new batteries in his flashlight, but I haven't yet. I'm sure there would be many more examples if I dared think more about it. I was guilty, as charged.

I got off at the next freeway exit, turned around, and started heading south again, toward the park. We didn't have anything else going on that day, we wouldn't be back in this area for a long time, and I did tell him we would go. It would be more harmful to let him down than to take the extra time to follow through.

During the drive, I realized that I had been teaching my child, by example, that promises are often empty and words are often not meaningful. What I thought were little, even unimportant things - well, they were big important things to him. A promise is a promise. He had no reason to keep his word when I treated my own so lightly.

Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another; it is the ONLY means.
 - Albert Einstein

In fact, this is a typical attitude in all of society. A vow, a pledge, a promise to do something - that is supposed to be binding. When we give our word, we are obligating ourselves.

But what a faithless society we live in. Airlines commonly overbook flights as much as 30% to compensate for no-shows. Yes, there are legitimate, excusable reasons for no-shows. But 30%? And then, when most people arrive for their flight - it's overbooked and some unlucky customers are delayed. Professional athletes break their contracts when they hear someone else is making more money or another team has a better offer.

People hire attorneys to write complex contracts with plenty of loopholes so they can get out of their commitments if they decide they are no longer of benefit. We schedule a morning appointment with a repair man and he doesn't show up until late afternoon. No phone call, no apology - just excuses. At the doctor's office, there are two signs in the lobby. One says, "if you are more than ten minutes late for your appointment, you will be charged a fee and must reschedule your appointment." The other says, "If you have been waiting more than 30 minutes, please let us know." Hmmmmm.

This is the classic business mentality. When they say they will do something ... what they are really saying quite often is that they will do it if it suits them at the time.

We all promise things we wish we hadn't. And circumstances do arise, out of our control, that cause us to break promises we had every intention of keeping. Going back to days long ago when our word meant being respected - or being cast out in a community; getting credit at the town mercantile and loans from the bank - we need to be very careful about what we promise. We need to teach our children about the power and honor of keeping their promises.

And in your own business, integrity and reliability are paramount.

Here are some suggestions:

• When in doubt, say no

Don't agree to customer deadlines that are unrealistic just to get the job. It's much better to ask for additional time and let them decide if they can provide it - rather than doing your best and hoping they understand if you are a day or two late.
 

• Keep a schedule or calendar

Carry a small notebook with you or a purse-size calendar book and keep track of what you've got going on rather than trying to commit it all to memory. The one time you goof and miss an appointment, deadline, or in some other way, let a customer down can really hurt your business.
 

• Prioritize the day

We all have a tendency to first do what we enjoy or are more interested in before tackling something unpleasant. Set your likes and dislikes aside and accomplish things in priority order. This was a hard lesson for me and resulted in a lot of "all-nighters" at the keyboard trying to meet a deadline. Why? I procrastinated or spent my time on less important but more enjoyable tasks.
 

• Don't schedule things too far in advance

You just never know what's going to come up ... opportunities, personal circumstances, etc. My husband owns a hardwood flooring business. He hired a sub-contractor for a certain job a month out. The morning of that first day on the job, that sub-contractor didn't show up. He called my husband with excuses, but we found out what really happened. He'd gotten a better offer - a couple bucks more per hour. Likewise, keep your options open and don't set yourself up to break your word as that sub-contractor did.
 

• Write things down

Not all of us are "List" people - but they sure help you sleep at night. Everything we've got to do, places we need to be ... they run through our minds over and over again. Writing them down reduces anxiety; nearly eliminates the time wasted repetitively keeping track of it all in our brains; and is a double-check so that we don't forget something important.
 

• Give yourself leeway

A little flexibility reduces stress and works for everyone involved. For example, I usually won't give a specific time, like 9 a.m. I will offer a time range such as "I will be there to deliver your project between 9 and 10 a.m.". If I've estimated that I can complete a project in ten business hours, I will tell the customer my turn-around is fifteen hours to plan for the unexpected. A big benefit of this is that, in most cases, I don't need the full fifteen hours and in my customers mind, I have over-delivered by getting it done ahead of time. If I need more than ten hours, I haven't disappointed my customer either.

Business integrity has never been a problem for me. But my son taught me a valuable lesson. I wasn't so reliable in my personal life. Now, I don't feel obligated to please other people as much as I used to by saying yes all the time. I think hard before making a decision to give my word. I make myself notes like "put batteries in Jake's flashlight"!

This vital element of trust and honesty is often overlooked; because we generally keep "big" promises; it's the little ones, not kept, that hurt so much. Keeping your word is as necessary professionally as it is personally. Being a promise-keeper will take you far in your business and bring so much joy to your life - you have my word.

We realize that what we are accomplishing is a drop in the ocean. But if this drop were not in the ocean, it would be missed.
 - Mother Teresa

Michelle Johanson
© 2005

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